Holiday Recipe Exchange!

Ok so Michelle @ Circle of Life started a HOLIDAY EXCHANGE THURSDAY and since she demanded me to do this (just joking!) I would like to share a cookie recipe that us Puerto Ricans make!!! They are yummy....

Mantecaditos

Makes about 40

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg
3/4 cup butter
1/4 cup vegetable shortening
1 1/2 teaspoons almond extract
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup sugar
5 maraschino cherries, cut into eighths

Place oven rack in middle position of the oven. Preheat oven to 350 F. Combine flour and nutmeg; set aside. In a large bowl, beat butter, shortening and extracts with an electric mixer until smooth. Gradually add sugar to butter mixture and cream until mixture is light and fluffy. Blend in flour mixture. Dough should be slightly moist. If dough looks dry, sprinkle with water and work into dough. If dough is sticky, sprinkle with additional flour. Spoon dough by teaspoons and form into balls. Place on an ungreased baking sheet. Gently press each ball with palm of hand to form cookie. Garnish with a cherry piece placed in the center of each cookie. Bake 20 minutes or until golden. Remove to a wire rack to cool.


My grandma used to make these all the time and I remember sitting on the kitchen counter eating the dough out of the bowl!! LOL I know my grandma can't see my blog because she doesn't even know how to get onto a computer but I love you abuela....

You can decorate these two different ways: With sprinkles or dent the middle of the cookie with your thumb and place a cherry in it!

Happy Birthday Maria!!!

Today is Maria's birthday!!!

1..2..3.. Happy Birthday to you... Happy Birthday to you... Happy Birthday dear Mariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Happy Birthday to you... And many moreeeeeeeeee...

In Espanol... Feliz Cumpleanos Feliz... Feliz Cumpleanos Feliz... Feliz Cumpleanos a Mariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (with Puerto Rican accent)LOL

God bless you girl today and always... May He bring you many blessings!


(Maria click on the pic so that you can read the message I wrote OH and if you don't mind I stole this pic from your myspace! LOL)

Don't forget to wish this amazing woman a Happy Birthday or a Feliz Cumpleanos!!!

Prayer for wanting & being...

**Ok this awesome prayer came from my sister that is forever telling me "Speak Life into your womb!" To my sister that has always been there for me even when I call and complain... I love you sister!**


Father, in Jesus Name, I thank You that because I keep your commandments and do those things that are pleasing to You, I know whatever I ask I receive of You; therefore, Father, according to Your Word, I believe that You make me a joyful mother of children.

I thank You Father that my children are like olive plants around the table. I thank You Father that the fruit of my womb is Your reward and I believe I receive rewards from You.

Father, in Jesus Name, I thank You that I will carry my baby full-term. Because I am a tither, the devourer is rebuked for me, and my fruit shall not be brought forth before the time of life. I thank You Father that You make my body strong and You bless the child within me. Your Word says there shall nothing cast their young young, neither be barren in the land.

Father, because we fear and reverence You as Lord, I thank You in the name of Jesus that we are blessed with a family, committed to You and Your Word. I thank You Father for our unborn child; we receive the child as a gift from You. I believe my child is being created in Your image and likeness; therefore, I believe I receive a normal, healthy child with all body parts functioning as you designed them to function.

Father, I thank You that because I am skillfully and wonderfully made in Your image and likeness, I will have a safe, easy pregnancy and delivery. Pregnancy is Your will for my life; therefore I accept Your plan for blessing my womb. I believe the Holy Spirit is with me in labor and delivery; therefore, I thank You for protecting me and my child. I thank You Father that the Holy Spirit oils my womb and the baby comes forth safely and speedily during delivery.

I thank You Father that our child is not brought forth for sudden terror or calamity, but a blessing from You Father.

Because we have chosen to walk in Your ways, I thank You Father that all nations rise and call us blessed.

Amen!!

This goes to all the ladies in my life that are trying for a baby or are pregnant and feeling the fear and need that ONE prayer! This is free so take it and print it and place it in your Bible and PRAY IT!!!! Love all of you.... Ya'll have a special place in my <3!

Wordless Wednesday

What more can I ask for....



During this Christmas season I ask that each of you would lift those up who have lost a child due to miscarriage, stillborn, or after being born. It's really been difficult knowing that I don't have our precious baby in our arms but in our hearts and with this picture I can be calm knowing whos arms he is in~Jesus!

Need help with header??

Ok so I found out how to make the double border around your header larger so that it can fit your custom header!!!

This is what you do for those of you who use ScrapBlog or other programs:

1. Go to Layout
2. Edit HTML
3. Scroll to where you see this (its not in red I just made it that way so you know what im talking about)

/* Header ----------------------------------------------- */
#header-wrapper { width:672px;
margin:0 auto 10px;
border:1px solid $bordercolor;

**See where it says width:672px; well it is usually 6-- something (cant remember) anyway I just was playing with the #'s and WAHLA! 672 will make your custom header fit in that box! If it doesn't you just go up or down with that #**

Hope this helps!

I made a "play around" blog and thats what I've been doing! I have learned alot of "secrets" from The Cutest Blog on The Block! Check out my other blog...

http://melanie-playaroundblog.blogspot.com/

Joy & Peace

As I sit here and think of so many of us hurting for that one little miracle I feel the Lord has so much to do in our lives. To tell you all the truth the Lord has given me so much peace and joy in the midst of the pain I was feeling. For some reason I'm coping and I am so glad to be able to say it FINALLY! I never thought I would crawl OUT of that hole I felt I was in. Yes my heart yearns for a little one leaping in my womb and I have HOPE that it will all plan out for His good. I am so blessed to say that I have a little angel in Heaven and I know he is forever surrounding me. There is a little poem I read the other day from a friend and it was about a little boy that just wanted to put his hands thru his mommys hair and she let him. As I sit around at work or at home I just dream of Nehemiah playing with my hair.

This peace and joy im feeling is totally from the Lord. All I can say is that what I have been doing lately is reading His Word and doing my daily devotions. I think that as I spend more time with the Lord on a daily basis I am able to know that I have a God in my life that will give me what I ask for and thats peace and joy. I want to be happy for others that are pregnant but yet thats something that the Lord is still helping me with. I just got an email that a friend of mine is pregnant with her 2nd. How amazingly happy she is but yet what a bitterness in my heart I feel and its not fair for me to feel this way. This is one thing that I need to work with and with time He will show me how.

To anyone that reads this and feels as if a certain situation is just killing you remember that you aren't alone in it. We have the Lord to lean on even when it feels as if He isn't there but rest assured He is! Let's crawl out of the hole and lean on Him and each other in all of this. Remember the one who brings you down... It's not the Lord... He wants to bring you UP and OUT!

Have a great weekend!

Lord, we know how faithful you are to us. You also know our heart, our desires, and our pain. I pray for all of my friends Lord that you will give them an everlasting Joy in their heart and Peace. Lord as Jesus' birthday is just a few days away I pray that we will be able to rejoice especially knowing that we have little angels with you this Christmas season. I pray that this season will be a season of great JOY! I pray for my friends that may be struggling with anything Lord that you will give them the JOY and PEACE that I am feeling. Lord that as we crawl out of this hole that Your hand will guide each one of us OUT! We bind the enemy Lord and we put him behind us. You are so amazing Lord and I thank you NOW for whats to come. In Jesus Christ name, Amen!

Wondering??

Ok so some of you are wondering about the awesome opportunity I have been talking about lately that I didn't get! I think I've been messaging a few of you about a "J.O.B" and I take it I had never told ya'll! LOL too hilarious...

Ok so there was this job opportunity that I thought would be for me which was a Administrative position at a Christian University. The position was awesome pay and get this "Free Tuition!" I don't have a degree YET and well I thought this would be the time to finish it off and well the job didn't come thru but IT'S OK! Someone else needed it more than I did. Maybe someone that hasn't even went to college got that job or maybe someone that didn't have a job yet got it... I am looking at it with a warm heart and not a bitter one!

I am blessed where I am working at now but would like something challenging and where I can move up in the positions they offer! God knows the plans He has for me and I will sit back and watch Him reveal to me what He has in store for me!

God bless all of you and thanks for asking and caring!

The letter "M"

I'm playing along with Allisyn's letter meme. She assigned me the letter "M" and now I have to come up with 10 things I am thankful for that start with M. So here is a list of a few of the things that I am thankful for:

1. My mother (I am thankful for my beautiful mother! God blessed me with such an awesome mom!)


2. Munchichi's (I am thankful for this toy because when I was little I had one or two and it reminds me of my childhood times!) Member sister???


3. Music (I am thankful for Christian music that is... and especially right now with the Christmas season I love Christmas music as I praise our Savior!)


4. McDonald's (I am thankful for McD's... LOL yes I love McD's and I can't help it... I know its bad and lots of grease but... I love it!)


5. Maurice's (I am thankful for this clothing store! Mind you where I live we don't have a mall and well whats a girl with NO MALL! Oh we have a Walmart and this store right next door!)


6. Mail (I am thankful for mail because I love getting mail from family and friends! Being a military wife its hard being so far from everyone so one little card does fill my heart with joy!)


7. Military Wife (I am thankful for being a military wife! I love my soldier so much and without him I wouldn't be this strong!)


8. M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death) is a Christian, non-profit organization that reaches out to families who have suffered the loss of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death.


9. Mother/Step-Mother (I am thankful for being a mother to a precious little angel in Heaven and also a step mother to two wonderful boys.)


10. Miracles (I am thankful for miracles that only God can perform! Hoping for a BFP this Christmas!)


These are 10 things I am thankful for! Thank you Allisyn for giving me the opportunity to think of M's of what im thankful for! LOL

If you would like to play along comment me and I will give you a letter.

Wordless Wednesday! LOL

I guess this is how im feeling lately.. LOL

Wordless Wednesday

This is my 1st Wordless Wednesday post!! I take it you don't really write a actual post but a picture of something that inspires you so to say... So here is my pic! Isn't it adorable!!!

Satisfied!

Ok I think im actually satisfied with how my blog looks. I will not change it UNLESS I learn how to make my own (someday!)

I want to thank everyone for your prayers for my "career situation." My heart's desire is to go to college and get a degree in Special Education one day :) I really think the Lord is placing special little children that have disabilities in my heart. I hear that alot of schools are in NEED of Special Education teachers/aides so I will pray whole-heartedly and see what plans He has for me!

Oh and for everyone wondering about my "song" that I am writing its for my angel in Heaven! The title is "Just Fly Away" and well I am not an actual singer but I used to sing at my old churches Praise & Worship Team and started to learn how to play an acoustic guitar as well. So one day I will put the words and the acoustic guitar together and make a song and put it on a video and sing it to my baby in heavens ears...

Under Construction AGAIN!!

Ok so for all of you who are my followers I have a HUGE problem when it comes to my blog. I am about to download a free trial of photo editing, etc... so that I can learn to make my OWN templates!!! Does anyone know of any programs?? I would love to learn!! So the layout I have now is just for today and tomorrow maybe!!!

Will I ever be happy with ONE template?? NOPE...

December 1st~Devotional

So I am starting my days of reading a devotional, diving into the Word, and praying! It's a challenge that Hilary from A Look Into Our Lives is doing and so I am tagging along! Here is the meaning for the December Challenge:

D - Devotions
E - Everyday
C - Creates
E - Eternal
M - Meaning
B - By
E - Establishing a
R - Relationship (with Jesus Christ!)

I am going to be posting a few devotionals a week. The devotional book that I am reading is the Our Daily Bread.

Today's devotion was "Waiting for Joy."

~~When I read devotions sometimes they speak to me and sometimes I don't understand some. But when I started to read this one I was like "Praise You Lord!" God knows our daily circumstances. He knows im waiting for joy just like the title says. As I kept reading the scripture was Psalm 30:5 "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." I find myself crying at night because that is when my body just winds down from the crazy day that I usually have. I cry because I miss the baby in my womb that was growing fine for 8 weeks and then at my 12th week appointment our baby has passed away in my womb. It was the most disappointing thing ever to endure. I don't wish that on anyone. I remember the first appointment I was able to see his little heart just beating away and how he was justa' wiggling around. Till this day I wish my hubby had been there to see but being in the Army his job is really tough and all he remembers is the day that I called him to tell him the bad news. So yes my nights are hard but I can say that when I wake up in the morning I am refreshed by our Heavenly Father! I know I can get up feeling good knowing that I will go to Him and go to His Word. I try to at least but sometimes I just don't feel up to it and I can tell you that when I don't go to Him daily my day drags BIG time so im grateful to Hilary for bringing this December Challenge! (hubby is calling me to bed...) so I will close it here... From today's devotion I learned that even though I may weep He will give me JOY! The last part of this devotion it says: "We can endure this life's trials because of the next life's joys!" Amen and Amen!

Goodnight...

Our Thanksgiving

We had a very quiet Thanksgiving this year which was crazy for me because I miss my family. Being a military wife is not easy but I knew what I was getting into when I married my love. So since we have two dogs our plans were to go to Texas where my family is at and my husbands two boys but the plans got canceled because of a big 60 lb dog that we have that probably wouldn't behave and it was too late to get him to a doggie daycare so we camped out here in Missouri! It was really quiet but I made "pernil (pork)" and my cousin and his wife made the turkey. We are Puerto Rican so pork is the main meat we eat on pretty much EVERY occasion! It was my 1st time making it and I also made a Pumpkin Cake. It was D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S!!!

So my Thanksgiving was quiet! I woke up and gave thanks to my Heavenly Father and I've also came up with a song that has just flowed out of my mouth (To be continued on a later post!)

Must See!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUv_FAL2jik

Ok so I don't know how to place a video from You Tube on here so here is a video that is so HILARIOUS!!!

IT'S A MUST SEE!!!!

I want to thank Him for many things that He has done for me even though its hard because of what has happened to me this year but I am still thankful!

These are the things im thankful for:

::Im thankful for my salvation

::Im thankful for our marriage of 6 yrs and the relationship my husband and I have

::Im thankful for my family and also my husband's family

::Im thankful for the Lord forming a baby in my womb even though he/she lived for only a few weeks

::Im thankful our angel in Heaven~Nehemiah~

::Im thankful for the roof the Lord has over us

::Im thankful for my job and my husbands job

::Im thankful for my friends (including all my blogger friends!!!)

::Im thankful for His Word

::Im thankful for the church family that I have met @ Parkside Bible Church (MISS YA'LL LIKE CRAZY!) and also Grace Covenant Church

::Im thankful that He has brought many ladies in my path that have gone thru a miscarriage/stillborn

::Im thankful to my mother, my aunt Evelyn, and my grandma who drove thru the midnight to be with me the day I miscarried Nehemiah

::Im thankful for the lady at the ER who took good care of me after the miscarriage (she did beyond what I expected!)

::Im thankful for my cycles coming monthly with the pills my Dr. prescribed me

::Im thankful for whats to come

::Im thankful for what has happened to me in this past year even though its been SO hard which has helped me with my relationship with the Lord!

For all of this and many other blessings I AM THANKFUL!

Tomorrow will be a very touching day for me as I will love to have Nehemiah in my arms but I know his sweet spirit will surround me!

With this I will leave you with this quote from In Touch Ministries Devotional that I read today:

"Count His blessings as your own, and let God know how appreciative you are."

God Will You Write My Motherhood Story!?

Yesterday on my way back from picking up my dogs from the doggie beautyshop I was listening to my Christian radio station. I love to hear Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family. Lysa Terkeurst, President of the Proverbs 31 Ministries was speaking yesterday on Dr. Dobson about "Walking in Faith." As she was speaking thru it something caught my attention which was "God Will You Write My Motherhood Story!?" I said it in my head like 5 times till it really set in... I have been controlling my TTC'ing and it's all in His hands because HE HAS WRITTEN MY MOTHERHOOD STORY!!!

Click here to hear the radio clip Blessings of Walking in Faith

If you have never been to Proverbs 31 Ministries I would highly recommend it!!!

Also Lysa Terkeurst has a blog and all the others on Proverbs 31...

I really hope this radio clip speaks to all of you...

Beautiful Collage!

I am in awe.... All I can say is thank you Michelle and even though I can't just run up and give you a HUGE hug know that I am such in awe knowing that the Lord has blessed me with such great Sisters in Christ! I mean if my day has been a little down in the dumps which usually is all of you has so many encouraging words to say to me and for that I want to Praise Him! Michelle made this for me in memory of Nehemiah.

Nehemiah's name in the sand in Australia...

Wow ladies Nehemiah's name was written in the sand in Australia by this awesome family "To Write Their Names in the Sand"

Thank you so much Carly & Sam!!!

Ladies look at the beautiful sunset that the Lord has blessed us with!!! I have been in awe of the sunset I am able to see in my backyard and well He is just showing me how awesome He is!!!

I have been awarded 2 awards!!!

THANKS TO MICHELLE from Circle of Life!!!!

She has awarded me with two awards!! Wow this week has been my week of awards.. I feel so blessed... Seriously I never thought that I would have anybody check out my blog!

Check it out! (woot woot!)





Ok and I am to award these 2 awards to 5 people.... So here we go:

By the way everyone (shout out!) my beautiful sister, Fay just started her blog (Woot Woot!) so please stop by and show her some Sister in Christ LOVE! Love ya sista!

1. Fay @ Attempting to do God's Will

2. Maria @ With Hope

3. Amanda @ The Hoyt Family

4. Brookebug @ Hopes, Dreams, and the in between

5. Amy @ Fun With the Fichtner's

Alright ladies all you have to do is copy and save the 2 blog awards and pick 5 people!!! Don't forget to place your awards on your side of your column!!!

Have fun...

God bless... Melanie

Vwalaaaaaa...

Ok I think I have like a problem with keeping things the same for a long period of time... Is there a name for that ladies??? Like my blog always has to be a different background, I get bored with my office desk looking the same like every week so I change something around, our bedroom gets changed like every 3 months because I get bored... Hmmmm I think its called "being bored maybe? or ADD?"

Ok so I don't know what magic I did but I got the background from Lena's blog to work! Ladies she's got beautiful layouts and all you have to do is download Firefox (which by the way I love it better than the regular Internet Explorer) then just click download and "Vwalaaaaaaaaaaaaa." It took me awhile just cause I wasn't "patient" enough I think!

Ok now I need to share my blog awards that Michelle from Circle of Life has awarded me... You are awesome Michelle... God bless you!!! More post to come today I promise!

Under Construction!

Ok so I want a really cool blog template from this amazing talented person Lena but I can't seem to figure it all out just yet! So I am waiting patiently for an email back from her so that she can tell me why its telling me an error! Errrr I HATE errors!

Me got a blog award!!

WOW I am so thankful to Teresa!!! Thanks girl you are truly an awesome friend!! You crack me up!

Answer the following questions with single word responses. Then pass on the award to 7 other bloggers:

1. Where is your cell phone? PURSE
2. Where is your significant other? WORK
3. Your hair color? BROWN
4. Your mother? HOUSE
5. Your father? HEAVEN
6. Your favorite thing? CROCHETING
7. Your dream last night? NONE
8. Your dream/goal? DEGREE
9. The room you’re in? OFFICE
10. Your hobby? CRAFTS
11. Your fear? losing another child
12. Where do you want to be in six years? TEXAS
13. Where were you last night? HOME
14. What you’re not? MEAN
15. One of your wish list items? PREGNANCY
16. Where you grew up? TEXAS
17. The last thing you did? FAX
18. What are you wearing? CLOTHES
19. Your T.V.? HOME
20. Your pet? STINKY
21. Your computer? HERE
22. Your mood? ANNOYED
23. Missing someone? YES
24. Your car? PATHFINDER
25. Something you’re not wearing? MAKEUP
26. Favorite store? HOBBY LOBBY
27. Your Summer? SAD
28. Love someone? YES
29. Your favorite color? ORANGE
30. When is the last time you laughed? TODAY
31. Last time you cried? YESTERDAY

These are too much fun!!! I can answer like 100 of these a day... Again thanks to Teresa for being so kind and awarding me an award! I got to say I have always seen this specific award and was wondering when I started blogging if I would EVER get one and well I DID!!! Yahoooooooooooooooooooo...

Ok so now to the 7 blogger friends that I am to award this award too are..... (drumroll.....)

1. Amanda - This girl has been there since both of our angels grew wings and we were able to meet thru Cafemom! Thanks girl for always being there for me! Love ya!

2. Maria - Another that has been there since both of our angels grew wings together! I love her TWANGY Georgia accent!! LOL Love ya girlie...

3. Mandy - For always being kind and supportive and oh don't let me forget the advice on crocheting!!! Love ya girl!

4. Jen - Another friend who is always encouraging to me... Go girl on your new job!!! Love ya!

5. Ne - She has been an inspiring Sister in Christ! Just the words she writes on her post just speak right to me and I thank the Lord!

6. Misty - She is the sweetest and a beautiful lady. Thanks for being my friend!

7. Allisyn - She is a new blogger friend of mine and she is the sweetest! She found me on here and her son and daughter-n-law are in the same situation as many of us are on trying for a child that we long for... Thanks for being there...

WOW ladies I love ya'll so much!!! It's amazing how we can just message each others blogs but feel the love that Christ has given us! Sometimes I wish those around me physically would be this way! God bless each of you... I am sorry if I didn't include you in this but 7 is just too little of a # but thats the way this goes... I love all of you!!!

**for those of you who haven't had to do this: copy the questions, copy & paste them in a new post, copy and save the pic of the award onto your computer and then post it in your new post then pick 7 people the way I did (if you have ?'s let me know)**

Bummer, Ouch, Ewwww

::Ok ladies I know I haven't been posting because I have just been speechless... All weekend I was a little anxious because I was supposed to have started my cycle around Fridayish... Well that evil little witch said hello to me yesterday, but with this medication(Provera) the dr has me on so that I can have a cycle every month is really odd. My cycles do not come as normal as what I get on my own even though my body has cycles like whenever it feels like coming pretty much! So anyway thats what BUMMER stands for...

::This morning hubby fed our puppy and had to leave so he yelled my name from downstairs so that I can wake up to go put the dog back in the kennel after he finished eating. Well I get up like all crazy and as im walking down the stairs I fell right on my butt... Can you say OUCH!!!

::When I get to work this morning I stood at the door way to the office to see my coworker standing in the middle of the office with a broom... LOL I was like there is either a crazy Missouri looking spider/bug or a racoon (they've been in our office before) or a rat/mice... Well it was a baby mice. I was scared out of my who knows what.. Well she laid sticky traps and he is BYE BYE... That's what Ewww stands for...

Alright ladies I have to work now... TTYL!

Thankful for this Season!

Not only am I thankful for this beautiful season that I love so much "Thanksgiving." I am thankful for the "season" the Lord has me in right now! Just to let you in on something: On Sunday our pastor was talking about "Speaking Grace to Thanksgiving" as I sat there and listened to him preaching I felt that the Lord was showing me to be thankful for the season im in even with the way im feeling. He explained that a "season" is defined as a period of time, that our lives are full of seasons just like the 4 seasons. So this is what im up to lately "thanking Him thru my season."

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Isn't that an amazing verse! I've been battling lately with my grieving process but I have to BE JOYFUL ALWAYS, PRAY, and GIVE THANKS, for it is HIS WILL!!!!

I will Face My Giants with the Lord!

Last night as I showered, for some reason that is where I feel the power to pray and praise and worship Him in song. As I began to think of evert Giant I am Facing I know that I am facing them with the Lord by my side. How can I NOT praise Him for that! As I read about infertility, miscarriages, stillborns, etc... I just think that all of those are GIANTS that WE FACE in our daily lives. I felt like the Lord was telling me yesterday that the word INFERTILITY was the center of my attention instead of Him or that my WANTING to be pregnant and HAVE a baby was the center of my attention within this year. (wow im really amazed) I think what He is trying to tell me is that I need to have HIM in the CENTER of EVERYTHING in my life and with Him in the center he will be able to place the pieces of my puzzle that my heart so desires!

I am reading a book called God Will Make A Way and in it a few things I highlighted im sure will touch your heart the way it did to me. Here are a few:

::Yet we are people of faith, having learned in our own journey that, when your back is up against the wall and you pray and seek his help, God will make a way through the trial. (I kinda put it in my own words)

::Everyone of us has times when we lose, and we hurt, and we find ourselves asking, "Where is God in all this?" Often, it's not easy to see where God is when the road gets hard.

Those are just a few highlighted in my book... The authors talk alot about the book of Job which I love by the way!

Ladies not just for me but for all of you struggling in your own way WE HAVE TO FACE OUR GIANTS but know that the LORD is always by our side EVEN WHEN IT'S NOT EASY TO SEE WHERE HE IS, that is where our FAITH and TRUST comes in!

Thank you Lord for allowing me to have this in my heart. Lord there are so many of us hurting when it comes to our Christian walk, our marriages, infertility, stillborn, miscarriages, addiction problems, infedility, and Lord so many other things that are hurting others today. I pray that we will all feel your peace and comfort as we sit and wait patiently since You have already planned out our lives ahead of us. We thank you for whats to come and may we all give you the Glory and Honor. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

Ladies please check this video when you have time and please do it when you are alone as it makes me cry... It's the video from the movie Facing the Giants called "Completely" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBfPqcJoPqc

All is well...

So I went ahead and deleted the post from last night as I was just feeling so hurt. I do thank all of you for your kind, positive, and encouraging messages and for keeping me in your prayers as well. Today I was able to speak to my friend Mayra that lives in Italy and WOW it was like things she was telling me was reminding me of the movie "Facing the Giants" as I relayed all the problems to her that I was going thru. My husband has been really stressed at work and today he had a stress test done and they say he is really stressed and thats why he hasn't been feeling good. He tries to not tell me anything that goes on at his job but I know just by the way he acts at times that something is going wrong. As I was telling my friend Mayra everything I said "you know what everything that is going on in my life and my husbands life is the same EXACT thing like the movie Facing the Giants!" She mentioned she hadn't watched it yet so I kinda gave her a scenario of how her husband was ALWAYS angry because of the football team and how some parents and coworkers weren't being fair to him and thats like the same thing that is happening to him and then with me on the other hand its the struggle of trying to get pregnant/going thru this grieving process and the same EXACT thing happens with his wife on the movie!!! I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!! If you haven't watched it you have too...

I have came to realize that I have to be in PRAYER than speaking negative... I will speak LIFE and BELIEVE that the Lord will RENEW my heart!

I got my hair did...

So I did it! I have never in my life cut my hair this short! My mother is a hairstylist and she has never wanted to cut my hair this short.

So here goes it...

This is me hard at work!

Pampered Chef Catalog Show!

Hello ladies...

My sister, Fay, is a Pampered Chef Consultant and since I am helping her with her first catalog show I would like to see if any of you ladies would like any products.

The guest special for November is 20% off of Stoneware.

Here are the Step-by-step instructions:
1. Go to my website: http://www.pamperedchef.biz/faycortes
2. Then go to Order Products - bottom left picture
3. Enter in: Melanie and then her last name in the second box: Rodriguez
4. And then BEGIN SHOPPING!!

If you have any questions you can email me @ butterfly082402@yahoo.com OR my sister @ cortesfay@yahoo.com.

If you would also like to do a catalog show online you can do that as well!!! Just email either her or I.

Thanks in advance... I have a Word Document of gift basket ideas so if you'd like to see it please send me your email address.

God bless!

I was given an Angel Mommy Blog Award!!

I want to thank Amanda for awarding me this beautiful Angel Mommy Award. She was awarded by one of her blog friends and she passed the award to me as well since we have lost little ones. I also want to thank Nikki for creating this beautiful award!

Amanda and I met from Cafemom and we both lost our babies in March. She is from Texas where I am from as well and one day we are hoping we may be able to meet in person. She is a huge blessing to me and to others. She always has an encouraging word for me and prays for me as well.

Thank you Amanda, you will forever have a place in my heart.

I would like to pass this award to Maria, and to Jen.

May God bless all of you!!!

Thanks and Grace....

I want to thank each of you who sent me such an encouraging message to me on my "daddys" 13th anniversary. As I remember 13 years ago I still hear myself calling him daddy and I will forever for he is my daddy. I am not sure if you all saw the "scrapblog" that I made of us but there was on pic of him feeding me with a bottle the day I was born. When I scanned that pic yesterday morning tears just flowed as I truly miss him but know that he is surrounding just like so many that have passed on that I truly miss which are:

::my grandpa who passed when I was 5
::my father when I was 14
::my best friend Nicole(she was 16, drunk driving accident) and I was 18
::my other best friend Jessica who died of her ex murdering her and I was 19
::my cousins husband Patrick who died in Iraq when I was 24
::a dear friend from high school Orlando that passed away in Iraq a few years ago
::and of course my sweet angel in Heaven~Nehemiah
::and my sisters sweet angel in Heaven~Baby Cortes

I am sure others have passed in between but my goodness thats alot already...

~GRACE~
So this morning was a little RUFF... I woke up because I made hubby some breakfast before he left to work and when I was walking down the stairs I smelled something that would come from the "dogs." Yup BINGO my nose knows.... LOL King (our newest addition in July) has been having some problems with his stool. I won't go into details BUT I was not in a good mood after that. At the same time of making hubby something the smell was just horrible BUT hubby had put on my Christian CD (what a shock he'd rather watch TV (Praise God!!). I was NOT in a GOOD MOOD!!! Ok so a few things the Lord showed me this morning since I hadn't had my Quiet Time with my Father yet... I went to the backyard to spray down the tray that is under the kennel and I always look out to the mountains that are behind my house because you would just want to shout "GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME" with His beautiful scenery He gave us. Ok there was this HUGE cloud that looked like half of a angel wing!!! Then the sun was only shining right underneath the wing!! WOW it was beautiful... All I could say was "Wow Lord thats beautiful thank you..." Ok so NO MORE bad mood... Praise GOD! So I come in and wash off King and clean the room his in and then I put him back in his kennel cause I needed my Quiet Time. So I came back upstairs and I know I posted about Grace a few days ago of how I haven't came to terms of what Grace actually meant in my life. So I open my Bible and skip thru some verses and BINGO... Mercy & Grace popped on one of my devotionals since I have a Women of Faith Bible and they have like a year worth of devotionals in them.

SO AS YOU KNOW I AM PRAISING HIM!!!!

Ok now im off of here to call the vet for an appt for King and hopefully I can go to work!

Remembering my Father

Today is 14 years since my father passed away. Here is his story and what has been left in my heart in these 14 years:

My father, Nestor Manuel Castro, was a father to two girls, a son, a brother, an uncle, and a husband. My father was born and raised in Puerto Rico where he met my beautiful mother. My father always had an alcoholic problem and as well with drugs. My mother and father tried for 6 years to have my sister and I even when the dr's would tell them they wouldn't be able to have children! God is good! My mother and father moved to Texas where they brought the both of us into this world. My father went to the Vietnam War which was one of the causes to his death later on in the years. We grew up going to a Catholic church which we always wanted daddy to go with us but he just went a few times.

My father didn't do things right in his life but I still love him and always forget the things that I saw in my 14 years.

I will never forget the day I found my mother sitting in my room writing a letter to him for a divorce and she just wept. She loved him but didn't love the things he did and didn't want us to suffer any longer. I remember waking up in the middle of the night listening to her weeping and I asked her "Mommy what's the matter?" I had already knew just because of so many years of seeing my mother suffer to his alcohol and drug problem.

The next day when we got home daddy was gone with some of his things and the house felt so empty. This was in 1993 but daddy still loved mommy very much even with having to do such a hard decision of separating our family. The divorce was final sometime the end of 1993.

Daddy got introuble for some reason and has in jail. I remember going to see my dad at the jail and just wanting him to come home. He always told my mom, sister and I that he loved us so much. I know my father loved us so much he just had a problem.

A few months after being in jail we get a call that daddy is sick. We find out he has cancerous tumors in his lungs that are spreading seeds to where there were two in his brain. They surgically removed the 2 tumors in his brain and thanks to our Heavenly Father those two where NOT cancerous!

After the brain surgery daddy started losing his memory. We were in the VA hospital one day for some reason and I went with my mom and sat right next to him and when I got up to use the restroom he asked my mom "who is that?" When my mother told me this it was so hard for me to understand as a 14 year old. Mind you I did not have a relationship with my Lord & Savior.

My father passed away on October 30, 1994 of cancer. The cancer had taken over and with him going to the Vietnam War he was diagnosed with Agent Orange.

May you rest in peace daddy... I love you!

Some thoughts...

I know I haven't blogged in a few days but my heart seems to be "blah." Seems im a little distorted I guess you can say... I have been thinking alot and being in prayer and feeling anxious about several things.

::Today is the day that Stellan will be born and I will praise Him and Rejoice for the MckMamma Family and pray that the Lord will give Stellan a strong heart and that he will be healed in Jesus Name. Amen!

::There is something that I am waiting for but I can't place it on here but I am waiting patiently (no its not a + pregnancy test... I mean I do want one don't get me wrong but this is something else) I will let ya know laters... Just say a little prayer that the Lord will open or close the door!

::Yesterday was our 10th year anniversary of us being together. Which means the day he came home from Korea due to the military and we met! Soooo awesome....

::I am going to start charting my cycles, etc....

::At church my pastor's sermon has been about Grace. This is something I am really having a hard time with but in time I will be able to know about His grace.

::I am trying to let go of jealousy, bitterness, and disgrace in my heart.

::My devotion this morning was in Isaiah 54:1 and a few other verses in Isaiah but this is the main one that spoke to me and I hope it speaks to others as well.

Sing, O barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband," says the LORD.


Lord you are my Redeemer and I love you!

I Will Lift My Eyes

This morning as I woke up I put on the my Christian radio station and the song was by Bebo Norman -- "I Will Lift My Eyes" and as I heard it its exactly what I needed to hear.... The lyrics explain it all:

God, my God, I cry out Your beloved needs you now God be near, calm my fear And take my doubt Your kindness is what pulls me up Your love is all that draws me in Chorus:I will lift my eyes to the Maker Of the mountains I can’t climb I will lift my eyes to the Calmer Of the oceans raging wild I will lift my eyes to the Healer Of the hurt I hold inside I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You God, my God, let Mercy sing Her melody over me God, right here all I bring Is all of me Your kindness is what pulls me up Your love is all that draws me in Chorus:‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever The Lover I need to save me ‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God So hold me now

Just by listening to this song this morning the Lord is showing me that he is truly near, that He is helping me calm my fears of everything in my life, that He is helping me stop doubting, I will lift my eyes to the Maker because the mountains that come in my life I can not climb without HIM!!!! He is my Healer and He will take the hurt I have inside... And the rest just self explains itself...

I thank my Lord, my Maker, my Healer, my God, His Mercy, His Kindness, and The Love He gives.... He will hold my heart together even when if feels as its crumbling inside....

I love you Lord!

Wow already 7 months...

As I drove past a sign that pops up the date and time I realized that its 10-22 which is 7 months since I miscarried my precious little angel... I still remember that day like it was just yesterday. The dream that was shattered but with God I can move on and keep dreaming and claiming in His name that one day I will be able to feel the joy of morning sickness again, the kicking that I didn't get to feel with Nehemiah, the growth of my belly, and the first cry out of our precious baby the Lord will bring us one day. I have learned that this is a growing period of my life that He wants to strengthen my walk with Him. Ever since the loss of Nehemiah I won't lie but I have felt as if I've fallen away from my walk with the Lord, but I have realized that the more I fall away the worse I will get. I am fasting coffee & any soda for 40 days and going to Him every morning. Today is my 3rd day and I feel so uplifted. As I remember a few days ago this scripture was said either on the Christian radio or an email or somewhere and it spoke to me.

At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." Job 1:20-21

I will stand in my faith, trust, put on my armor of God and MOVE ON!

Priceless...

Ok so tell me if this pic is priceless OR what??? So this is King our pitbull... Yes we have a pitbull and no he is NOT aggresive! He is a good puppy and well he was only about 2 months here. He is now 4 1/2 months and is about 45 lbs. so this pic is of us when I was driving to puppy socialization classes and he only wanted to sit behind me. LOL he is a pain... He is my baby boy though...

Priceless....

P.S. don't look at my white arm! LOL

Still....

I am still feeling down... Thanks to all of you who have left me an encouraging message... I truly appreciate them all... Today I actually counted how many pregnant ladies and how many newborns I saw. 4 pregnant ladies and 2 beautiful newborns... The JOY that each mother had on their faces and I am sure the look they saw from my face wasn't very pretty as I want to be happy for them. I feel as if I can't control these emotions that run thru my head. Sometimes I wonder if people watch my face when im places and see pregnant ladies or newborns...

Lord forgive me! Ahhhh its that rollercoaster feeling again and also the feeling of walking away little by little from my walk with my Lord & Savior.

Please keep me in your prayers.

The pill IS working!

So I have been on Provera for 13 days today and I am supposed to finish taking them on the 14th day which would be tomorrow and well I just received my monthly 2 days early. I spoke to the nurse and she thinks its okay for me to get it a few days early and says that its a good thing that the pills are helping me regulate! I was hoping for it NOT to come and have a BFP (Big Fat Positive) test on Sunday but well it's not His timing... Maybe im feeling a little down because of my hormones...

I will praise Him for allowing this pill to help me regulate and hopefully get a BFP in the next couple of months...

When will I find peace and joy?

It's been almost 7 months now since my angel baby has went to Heaven. In my heart I feel so empty with words especially when I know that I should be in prayer. Why do I feel so down? Why do I feel happy at times and then something or someone just brings me down again? Why do I let me feelings get hurt so bad? Why does someone elses pregnancy hurt me? Why can I just be happy for them? I am so lost with words.... Sometimes I sit and wonder if I will ever find peace and joy for others...

I guess this comes with time of grieving after a miscarriage.... I know im not alone but I do feel alone...

Lord please help me get out of this cloud that seems to creep up to me everytime I feel as if all is well BOOM something or someone says irritates the crap out of me... I know im not perfect, I have feelings and emotions because im only human, but Lord please help me. I don't want to hurt any longer I just want to be happy.... I leave all of this in your hands!

Ok I vented!

Amanda's Candle for Nehemiah

Amanda is one of my Sisters in Christ that I met on Cafemom around the time I lost Nehemiah. She has been a blessing and I thank the Lord for blessing me with her. We both went thru miscarriages in March. Mine was March 22nd and hers was March 26th. She named her angel baby in Heaven~Noah Joel. We both know Nehemiah & Noah are together rejoicing with our Lord & Savior and we can't wait to be able to meet them one day when its our time. The candle I lit (picture on my post from yesterday) was for all of the angel babies in Heaven.

She lit a candle for Nehemiah. Thank you Amanda...

Blessings to you and your family!

Beautiful Creations

I work next to 2 ladies that started a new project in their store. It's a machine that places pictures, words, poems, etc... on crystal. When I saw them I just fell inlove with the beautiful creations they had made since they are promoting this new "toy" in their business. I know that it was made with love and I know as they made the 2 things I wanted Nehemiah was able to touch their hearts.

This is a ornament for our Christmas Tree but right now its hanging on my husband & wife silhouette on my dresser. I found this picture of an baby angel on a cloud with a halo and stretching. How magnificient of how our baby angels may look in Heaven.... It says Nehemiah on the top and on the bottom it says "In the arms of our Heavenly Father on March 22, 2008." If anyone is interested let me know and I can get you one made and I will let you know the prices.

The other creation is a necklace of my ultrasound of Nehemiah when he was "active" in my womb. This was my first ultrasound where the heartbeat was 134. The crystal they used is shaped just like your ultrasound comes out on paper. Amazing... I wore it today for the 1st time.

These gifts came in handy at the right time!

Thanks Darlene & Nicole!!!

You Light Up My Life

Here is my candle I lit for my precious angel in Heaven~Nehemiah. As I sat and watched the flame all I could think of was "I wonder what Nehemiah thought of all those beautiful candles on in rememberance of us angels."

All I could think of was the song "You Light Up My Life" that was sung to us at our wedding when we lit our unity candle. How the Lord has lit up my life with salvation, my husband, and a perfect little angel in Heaven! How the words go "You give me hope to carry on." Amazing how a song can just melt your heart into pieces.

Lord help me as I struggle each day and try to walk next to you. Thanks to all these Sisters in Christ that you have put in my path. Thank you Lord that today we can all come together as mothers to angels in Heaven and be able to be in silence. I love you Lord. You are so worthy. In Jesus Name, Amen.

This 2nd candle is from my cousin Melina (thank you Melina for texting me your candles).