Thursday, October 30, 2008

Remembering my Father

Today is 14 years since my father passed away. Here is his story and what has been left in my heart in these 14 years:

My father, Nestor Manuel Castro, was a father to two girls, a son, a brother, an uncle, and a husband. My father was born and raised in Puerto Rico where he met my beautiful mother. My father always had an alcoholic problem and as well with drugs. My mother and father tried for 6 years to have my sister and I even when the dr's would tell them they wouldn't be able to have children! God is good! My mother and father moved to Texas where they brought the both of us into this world. My father went to the Vietnam War which was one of the causes to his death later on in the years. We grew up going to a Catholic church which we always wanted daddy to go with us but he just went a few times.

My father didn't do things right in his life but I still love him and always forget the things that I saw in my 14 years.

I will never forget the day I found my mother sitting in my room writing a letter to him for a divorce and she just wept. She loved him but didn't love the things he did and didn't want us to suffer any longer. I remember waking up in the middle of the night listening to her weeping and I asked her "Mommy what's the matter?" I had already knew just because of so many years of seeing my mother suffer to his alcohol and drug problem.

The next day when we got home daddy was gone with some of his things and the house felt so empty. This was in 1993 but daddy still loved mommy very much even with having to do such a hard decision of separating our family. The divorce was final sometime the end of 1993.

Daddy got introuble for some reason and has in jail. I remember going to see my dad at the jail and just wanting him to come home. He always told my mom, sister and I that he loved us so much. I know my father loved us so much he just had a problem.

A few months after being in jail we get a call that daddy is sick. We find out he has cancerous tumors in his lungs that are spreading seeds to where there were two in his brain. They surgically removed the 2 tumors in his brain and thanks to our Heavenly Father those two where NOT cancerous!

After the brain surgery daddy started losing his memory. We were in the VA hospital one day for some reason and I went with my mom and sat right next to him and when I got up to use the restroom he asked my mom "who is that?" When my mother told me this it was so hard for me to understand as a 14 year old. Mind you I did not have a relationship with my Lord & Savior.

My father passed away on October 30, 1994 of cancer. The cancer had taken over and with him going to the Vietnam War he was diagnosed with Agent Orange.

May you rest in peace daddy... I love you!



first off thank you for sharing a part of you that is the most diffulcult in your life. iam sure your father is prasing you from up above. every body has a mistake in life that they regret and want to wash out of their memory.

even the best of us all have one time or another had a mistake that we say gosh i could have done that differently. it was a mistake that your father made and had to deal with. he is very luckly to have had you as a supporter for him all these years.

cancer is evil and its so sad that that happend and iam sorry for your pain and loss. iam glad that you were safe soemtimes our parents make desisions to take us away from danger even if we do not understand or agree, its a fact of life.

iam terrible sorry for the pain your father went through, so wishing things worked out differently for him, jail is no safe place to spend your days.

he is above now prasing you that even through he disapointed you and made you question why this or that , that you still love him and think of him on a daily basis. god makes desisions for a reason even ones that we do not understand and us we need to go with our instints and our hearts and hopefully it is the best outcome.

its hard when parents make decisions that we do not understand but somw times for us the kids its the best and that you were seprated from the dangerous side that you father was going throuh at that time. , it is so hard as a child to see the bad and the ugly in our parents or to look the other way and we always want to be their to help. this was a desision that your father made and it was not because of you or your mom sometimes the illness of alchol and drugs takes over and is uncontrolable. iam so sorry that these are the memorys that you have . i pray that your father is in a better place now and that he is watching over your family and prasing you for the caring heart and love that you show on a daily basis, its so hard to tell a painful story that people are so quick to judge . its even harder to be a child and living throught this pain and dealing with the aftermath of seeing it hurt your loved ones. its your father and you will always have a special place in your heart you may not condone by all means his decisions but that was his decision and he will live with the after - path he chose and be thankful that he is in a safe place wear he does not need to worrie any longer. our father is a wise man and is taking care of your father and is teaching and showing him the right and wrong iam sure.

keeeps the good thoughts and that he is with god and is in a better place amen.

The Petersons said...

I understand a little more why you have been feeling "blah" lately. It's probably a combination of EVERYTHING! Isn't it good to know, though, that our Heavenly Father is not only steadfast in our lives when our earthly father is not, but that He also gives us the parents that we need in our lives for a greater purpose than we often realize. I'm sorry that you lost your father, and will be praying for comfort for you on this day, but I also want to celebrate with you the love of our Father up above who gives us a joy and peace despite everything else.

It's interesting that you brought this up today, because I just got off the phone about an hour ago with my mom, discussing an issue with my dad. You see, my parents split in 1994 when I was only 10 years old. Their divorce was final in 1995. They had an amazing marriage up until that point and my dad was a strong Christian. But He pushed church and God away after experiencing a lot of hurt in his life. During the past 14 years, he has become a flirty womanizer kind of guy. He cusses. He says vulgar things. He doesn't go to church. He lives a workaholic lifestyle. And he's in a loveless marriage. He and my mom have maintained a friendship over the years, but this past week she confronted him on his need for a relationship with God. He replied in anger and sarcasm. So, as I was talking to her today, we were discussing our relationships with him and his relationship with God.

Your blog today reminds me that I need to be praying for him during this time in his life. I love him deeply but struggle to have a relationship with him from 3,000 miles away. Regardless, it's important for me to lift him up and pray for my Heavenly Father to reach my dad's life while he's still on earth.

Thinking of you today! ~Mandy


btw we can not see your pictures says need a special invite?

Amy Fichtner said...

What a sweet post and a wonderful way to remeber your dad.

Melina said...

Oddly enough, I only remember GOOD things about my Tio Manny....

He was funny, and had jokes all the time...Melanie, do you remember that he always had pickles for us??? I always knew of the problems, but as a child, you over look those issues, and just go on through your normal routine.

Melanie, my cousin, you are more of an inspiration than you can ever imagine...sharing your story will help someone else, in their dispair, and it will be a major calling for them.

I love you, and admire all your strength...I sit here, in tears, just feeling your heartache...but also, because you will see Tio again....

Keep your head up...I am here for you....

I love you!

Your cousin, Melina

Meridith said...

I am so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))

I also lost my daddy to cancer... he passed away on October 20, 1990. October always brings memories of him...

Praying for your hurting heart... (((hugs)))

The Baker's said...

I am so sorry for your loss of your father. You are in my prayers. I think that it is sweetthat you are remembering your dad in your post. I am sure he is really proud of you. Hugs