Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I will never forget...

January 28, 2008 will never be forgotten in my heart! This was the day that I called the OB department at the hospital to receive the BEST news ever in my life! These words that I will NEVER forget... "Congrats Mrs. R you are pregnant!" I am sure the nurse on the phone had no idea why I was quiet and crying... I said "Ma'am thank you so much I have been waiting for 4 years for a positive test!" She sounded so excited for me and set me up my 1st OB appt.



My heart is heavy and I am sad. I thought the grief was already on its way out of my heart but it's not. It's even harder when you receive one of these in the mail:

If you aren't able to read what it says here it is: "Congratulations your new baby is finally here!" (**I wish**) I really wish I would have never of asked for these type of things to come in the mail, but unfortunatly they are...

Ugggg what a day...

Well enough of my pity party! I will go a do what helps me heal... Crocheting...

I love you my sweet angel~i~Nehemiah....

~Melanie

8 comments:

CIRCLE OF LIFE said...

oh sweet heart I am so sorry for you ppain .. just take this day a a reminder of the good, he made you happy he brought you joy, he is winking and looking over you and he is with jesus our father, he is well taken care of and is very happy, You could not of wished besides you for aNTHER PERSON TO BE WATCHING HIM.

I so feel your pain and I and so srry but take this time this day not to pitty but to prasie jesus your father for the aboundance and the love he has shined on you , yes your baby is up in heven but is is smiling at you and is so proud that you are his moim and will alsways be his mother, wink ....

I was thinking of you today and wanted to come by and send hugs and love .. may you rejoice today may you celebrate his life and write him a letter, put it in your bible under this verse and part of you will always remeber this special day.

hugs michelle

AmandaHoyt said...

I'm so sorry, Mel. You can still grieve. It's what you need to do when you feel this sad. I'm still getting these types of mailers too. It's very heartbreaking. I am here if you need to talk.
Love,
Amanda

Aspiemom said...

I don't know if I ever told you, but I went through years of infertility. I never could get pregnant. Then I had to have a hysterectomy at age 34.

I remember so well all of the triggers...seeing pregnant women all around, hearing about "children being God's blessing" (did that mean I wasn't blessed?), the holidays, the things in magazines and on TV...it's hard. All of the tests and hoping for good results. Each month being disappointed.

We adopted our son after about 5 years on the waiting list. But I will never know what it's like to be pregnant or give birth.

Just wanted you to know that I understand.

Shaina N said...

Ah, gotta love the crocheting! We are so alike!! I crochet aaaaaaall the time, I'm currently making a cowl scarf.

*hugs* I'm so sorry this is such a happy yet sad day. I completely understand. I'll say a special little prayer for you tonight. God Bless!

Teresa said...

Aw Melanie I am SO sorry! The reminders of them not being here are the worst. Sweet little Nehemiah will never, ever be forgotten!

Misty Rice-Baniewicz said...

There are SOOOO many babies out there as lonely and sad today because there is no one to love them as much as you love the one you lost. So many have been left to die, abandoned and are scared, unloved, and homeless......

I am not sure where your heart is on adoption....but talk to God about it. You would make a wonderful mommy to any angel, no matter how YOU got the angel or how the angel came into your life. There is a baby out there for you if by pregnancy or birth, or adoption sweetie.

I see so many sweet, innocent and amazing little babies just wanting to be held, to have their own mommy and daddy and home.........

Maybe this could be a way.....and who knows, maybe with you attending one of God's other angels, and not so focused on trying so hard to get pregnant.... it will happen and then your angel will be blessed with a sibling, and you will be blessed with a healthy pregnancy.

Im praying for you sweet girl.

Amy Fichtner said...

I am soooo sorry for your loss and I am sure the magazines in the mail are just salt on the wound. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!!

Abbie said...

Melanie- You are in my thoughts and prayers today! It is so rough to be reminded of "what should have been." Thankfully our babies are in heaven! Won't it be fun to finally meet them?