Friday, October 31, 2008

I was given an Angel Mommy Blog Award!!



I want to thank Amanda for awarding me this beautiful Angel Mommy Award. She was awarded by one of her blog friends and she passed the award to me as well since we have lost little ones. I also want to thank Nikki for creating this beautiful award!

Amanda and I met from Cafemom and we both lost our babies in March. She is from Texas where I am from as well and one day we are hoping we may be able to meet in person. She is a huge blessing to me and to others. She always has an encouraging word for me and prays for me as well.

Thank you Amanda, you will forever have a place in my heart.

I would like to pass this award to Maria, and to Jen.

May God bless all of you!!!

Thanks and Grace....


I want to thank each of you who sent me such an encouraging message to me on my "daddys" 13th anniversary. As I remember 13 years ago I still hear myself calling him daddy and I will forever for he is my daddy. I am not sure if you all saw the "scrapblog" that I made of us but there was on pic of him feeding me with a bottle the day I was born. When I scanned that pic yesterday morning tears just flowed as I truly miss him but know that he is surrounding just like so many that have passed on that I truly miss which are:

::my grandpa who passed when I was 5
::my father when I was 14
::my best friend Nicole(she was 16, drunk driving accident) and I was 18
::my other best friend Jessica who died of her ex murdering her and I was 19
::my cousins husband Patrick who died in Iraq when I was 24
::a dear friend from high school Orlando that passed away in Iraq a few years ago
::and of course my sweet angel in Heaven~Nehemiah
::and my sisters sweet angel in Heaven~Baby Cortes

I am sure others have passed in between but my goodness thats alot already...

~GRACE~
So this morning was a little RUFF... I woke up because I made hubby some breakfast before he left to work and when I was walking down the stairs I smelled something that would come from the "dogs." Yup BINGO my nose knows.... LOL King (our newest addition in July) has been having some problems with his stool. I won't go into details BUT I was not in a good mood after that. At the same time of making hubby something the smell was just horrible BUT hubby had put on my Christian CD (what a shock he'd rather watch TV (Praise God!!). I was NOT in a GOOD MOOD!!! Ok so a few things the Lord showed me this morning since I hadn't had my Quiet Time with my Father yet... I went to the backyard to spray down the tray that is under the kennel and I always look out to the mountains that are behind my house because you would just want to shout "GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME" with His beautiful scenery He gave us. Ok there was this HUGE cloud that looked like half of a angel wing!!! Then the sun was only shining right underneath the wing!! WOW it was beautiful... All I could say was "Wow Lord thats beautiful thank you..." Ok so NO MORE bad mood... Praise GOD! So I come in and wash off King and clean the room his in and then I put him back in his kennel cause I needed my Quiet Time. So I came back upstairs and I know I posted about Grace a few days ago of how I haven't came to terms of what Grace actually meant in my life. So I open my Bible and skip thru some verses and BINGO... Mercy & Grace popped on one of my devotionals since I have a Women of Faith Bible and they have like a year worth of devotionals in them.

SO AS YOU KNOW I AM PRAISING HIM!!!!

Ok now im off of here to call the vet for an appt for King and hopefully I can go to work!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Remembering my Father

Today is 14 years since my father passed away. Here is his story and what has been left in my heart in these 14 years:

My father, Nestor Manuel Castro, was a father to two girls, a son, a brother, an uncle, and a husband. My father was born and raised in Puerto Rico where he met my beautiful mother. My father always had an alcoholic problem and as well with drugs. My mother and father tried for 6 years to have my sister and I even when the dr's would tell them they wouldn't be able to have children! God is good! My mother and father moved to Texas where they brought the both of us into this world. My father went to the Vietnam War which was one of the causes to his death later on in the years. We grew up going to a Catholic church which we always wanted daddy to go with us but he just went a few times.

My father didn't do things right in his life but I still love him and always forget the things that I saw in my 14 years.

I will never forget the day I found my mother sitting in my room writing a letter to him for a divorce and she just wept. She loved him but didn't love the things he did and didn't want us to suffer any longer. I remember waking up in the middle of the night listening to her weeping and I asked her "Mommy what's the matter?" I had already knew just because of so many years of seeing my mother suffer to his alcohol and drug problem.

The next day when we got home daddy was gone with some of his things and the house felt so empty. This was in 1993 but daddy still loved mommy very much even with having to do such a hard decision of separating our family. The divorce was final sometime the end of 1993.

Daddy got introuble for some reason and has in jail. I remember going to see my dad at the jail and just wanting him to come home. He always told my mom, sister and I that he loved us so much. I know my father loved us so much he just had a problem.

A few months after being in jail we get a call that daddy is sick. We find out he has cancerous tumors in his lungs that are spreading seeds to where there were two in his brain. They surgically removed the 2 tumors in his brain and thanks to our Heavenly Father those two where NOT cancerous!

After the brain surgery daddy started losing his memory. We were in the VA hospital one day for some reason and I went with my mom and sat right next to him and when I got up to use the restroom he asked my mom "who is that?" When my mother told me this it was so hard for me to understand as a 14 year old. Mind you I did not have a relationship with my Lord & Savior.

My father passed away on October 30, 1994 of cancer. The cancer had taken over and with him going to the Vietnam War he was diagnosed with Agent Orange.

May you rest in peace daddy... I love you!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Some thoughts...

I know I haven't blogged in a few days but my heart seems to be "blah." Seems im a little distorted I guess you can say... I have been thinking alot and being in prayer and feeling anxious about several things.

::Today is the day that Stellan will be born and I will praise Him and Rejoice for the MckMamma Family and pray that the Lord will give Stellan a strong heart and that he will be healed in Jesus Name. Amen!

::There is something that I am waiting for but I can't place it on here but I am waiting patiently (no its not a + pregnancy test... I mean I do want one don't get me wrong but this is something else) I will let ya know laters... Just say a little prayer that the Lord will open or close the door!

::Yesterday was our 10th year anniversary of us being together. Which means the day he came home from Korea due to the military and we met! Soooo awesome....

::I am going to start charting my cycles, etc....

::At church my pastor's sermon has been about Grace. This is something I am really having a hard time with but in time I will be able to know about His grace.

::I am trying to let go of jealousy, bitterness, and disgrace in my heart.

::My devotion this morning was in Isaiah 54:1 and a few other verses in Isaiah but this is the main one that spoke to me and I hope it speaks to others as well.

Sing, O barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband," says the LORD.


Lord you are my Redeemer and I love you!

Friday, October 24, 2008

I Will Lift My Eyes

This morning as I woke up I put on the my Christian radio station and the song was by Bebo Norman -- "I Will Lift My Eyes" and as I heard it its exactly what I needed to hear.... The lyrics explain it all:

God, my God, I cry out Your beloved needs you now God be near, calm my fear And take my doubt Your kindness is what pulls me up Your love is all that draws me in Chorus:I will lift my eyes to the Maker Of the mountains I can’t climb I will lift my eyes to the Calmer Of the oceans raging wild I will lift my eyes to the Healer Of the hurt I hold inside I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You God, my God, let Mercy sing Her melody over me God, right here all I bring Is all of me Your kindness is what pulls me up Your love is all that draws me in Chorus:‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever The Lover I need to save me ‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God So hold me now

Just by listening to this song this morning the Lord is showing me that he is truly near, that He is helping me calm my fears of everything in my life, that He is helping me stop doubting, I will lift my eyes to the Maker because the mountains that come in my life I can not climb without HIM!!!! He is my Healer and He will take the hurt I have inside... And the rest just self explains itself...

I thank my Lord, my Maker, my Healer, my God, His Mercy, His Kindness, and The Love He gives.... He will hold my heart together even when if feels as its crumbling inside....

I love you Lord!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wow already 7 months...

As I drove past a sign that pops up the date and time I realized that its 10-22 which is 7 months since I miscarried my precious little angel... I still remember that day like it was just yesterday. The dream that was shattered but with God I can move on and keep dreaming and claiming in His name that one day I will be able to feel the joy of morning sickness again, the kicking that I didn't get to feel with Nehemiah, the growth of my belly, and the first cry out of our precious baby the Lord will bring us one day. I have learned that this is a growing period of my life that He wants to strengthen my walk with Him. Ever since the loss of Nehemiah I won't lie but I have felt as if I've fallen away from my walk with the Lord, but I have realized that the more I fall away the worse I will get. I am fasting coffee & any soda for 40 days and going to Him every morning. Today is my 3rd day and I feel so uplifted. As I remember a few days ago this scripture was said either on the Christian radio or an email or somewhere and it spoke to me.

At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." Job 1:20-21

I will stand in my faith, trust, put on my armor of God and MOVE ON!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Priceless...

Ok so tell me if this pic is priceless OR what??? So this is King our pitbull... Yes we have a pitbull and no he is NOT aggresive! He is a good puppy and well he was only about 2 months here. He is now 4 1/2 months and is about 45 lbs. so this pic is of us when I was driving to puppy socialization classes and he only wanted to sit behind me. LOL he is a pain... He is my baby boy though...

Priceless....

P.S. don't look at my white arm! LOL